Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
