when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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