You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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