Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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