so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
