remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
