so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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