I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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