WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize