DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
