talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize