I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
