i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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