What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
