I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
