she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
