I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
