I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
