did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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