God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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