1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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