Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
