god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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