it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
