I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
