i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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