Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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