how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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