please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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