i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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