Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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