Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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