dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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