i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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