Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
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he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize