I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
