i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
