My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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