it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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