I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
