so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
