Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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