u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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