I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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