I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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