Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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