is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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