i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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