He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
