I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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