You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
