apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
