I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
