Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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