I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize