im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
