I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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