so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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