when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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