Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
