I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this just has baby written all over it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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