I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
